I’ve written quite a bit for the ladies in recent history. Now it’s your turn.
In the words of my dance teacher, “I’m yelling at you because I love you.”
I’ll keep the yelling to a minimum…pinky promise with my fingers behind my back.
A great percentage of girls never get into relationships because, and I’m sure you’ve heard this one before, “I don’t know what I want right now”. This is where I draw my line in the sand. I’m single because I know what I want, and I know what I have time for. The intersection of those to things is, you guessed it, a gentleman.
I’ve come to realize, often times, people don’t get into relationships just because they like their partner’s looks or attitude, they get into relationships because they like the way their partner makes them feel!
I can guarantee you this is why I’m single. I can count the number of gentleman I’ve met in college on my fingers.
Being a gentleman is all about selflessness, compassion, and respect without expecting anything in return.
If you are in a relationship or want to be in one just because you don’t like feeling alone, get a cat…
Yes, this is why I have a cat, but he’s awesome so no judging. Get a dog or a bird or something gross like a snake, or a pet rock I don’t care, just don’t get a human.
This applies to both men who are in a relationship and those seeking one. And, if you are craft enough in your sprezzatura, you can be a gentleman player. I don’t care, you do you booboo.
One thing that dawned on me the other day was this, it has been 3 years since someone has carried my books. I’ve been in college 3 years now and carried my own books 6972649 times if not more. Granted my upperbody strength resembles that of a new born kitten (wobbley walk included), I’m perfectly capable of carrying my own books.
Ok, rant over, Now comes my bullet point list.
I’m sure you guessed number one,
1. Carry her books to class.
If you really want brownie points with a girl, do it. Offer to carry her backpack.
I understand that college campuses are a stretch longer than the high school hallways, but as a girl, I assure you, we eat that stuff up. Even if it’s just company while we walk and you don’t get to carry anything, we love the attention. And, it’s much cheaper than Olive Garden.
If you go out of your way to walk across campus, we remember. My freshman year, a guy walked me to my Friday morning geology class, carried my binder, and it was not the fastest way for him to get where he was going. I can tell you which class it was, what day it was, and most importantly how it made me feel. Trust me, if you like the girl, it’s worth it.
2. Hold open doors.
Notice there is no pronoun to this. Chivalry shouldn’t be dead. It is always a nice, gentlemanly gesture to hold open a door for your 60 year old professor. Don’t only hold open doors for people you want to sleep with.
This includes car doors for your date as well. I personally don’t care if you don’t open it when I’m dismounting the vehicle. But, when I’m getting in, it’s sweet when you get out and open the door. As a plus, this allows for the introduction to physical contact. If you are sweet, you can work in a hug.
3. Invest in a tailcoat and monocle.
Just kidding, but do dress decently when you’re going on a date or meeting with a professor. A bro tank and chubbies with flip flops screams jerk.
4. Respect time
Just be on time. If you say you’ll be somewhere at 10, be there.
If you can’t, at least do one of two things: narrate or lie. Let whoever you are meeting know that there was a traffic accident or a faulty stop light that is holding up traffic. And if that’s not the case, lie. Don’t be late because you were updating your Tinder profile. Respect people’s time.
5. Never, ever, send nudes.
I thought I didn’t need to say this to 20-somethings, but unfortunately it’s on the list. This includes shirtless pictures, dick pictures, bathroom selfies. Just don’t. If you’re confident in your body, you’ll look good with clothes on and if you’re not, you still look better with clothes on!
Girls see shirtless pictures one of two ways…yum or yuck. There’s no in between.
Even if you look like a Jersey Shore Adonis, you’re not doing yourself any favors. Nudes in any form objectify you. Objectification isn’t just a girl issue. If your profiles are full of shirtless photos, you’ll be written off as into yourself or a gym rat. There is a time and place for everything. Be naked at home, in the shower…in a bedroom, but not on screen. Nobody ever ruined a relationship because they had their clothes on in a picture.
6. Address people appropriately
Take the time to learn your professors name and say “Yes Dr. ______. Or No Dr.__________”.
Also, channel the way you feel when a girl calls you “dude” or “bro”. Magnify that feeling of deflation of being in the friend-zone and add a smidgen of disappointment.
That’s exactly how girls feel when you call them “dude”.
7. It can wait.
I know you’re thinking I’m referring to the catchy slogan that means no texting and driving, but no, that’s the next one.
If a date went well, great, quit while you’re ahead. A gentleman respects a girl enough not to make moves after the first date. A kiss at the end, that’s fine, but even if she invites you in and pimps herself out, the respect is a reflection on your character.
Even if you are just pulling the player thing, if you make her wait, she’ll be much more invested. I’ve seen my girlfriends go absolutely gaga over a guy saying that he was so respectful. And if a girl dumps you because you respect her,…well, I’ve never heard of that happening, but she doesn’t sound that great to begin with if that’s the case.
8. Don’t text when someone is talking to you.
No elaboration needed.
9. Keep the profanity in the locker room
Gentlemen have a broad enough vocabulary to articulate an idea without using words that don’t actually mean what they think they mean.
Case in point: This lasagna is the sh*t= I’m eating feces.
People get angry, I let a couple slip if the day calls for it. “Lalochezia” is the relief you get from using curse words. Like I said, there’s a time and a place. No one ever ruined a relationship for not cursing.
While on the subject of vocabulary, “Please, Thank you, Yes Ma’am, and No sir” are not names of dinosaurs. They are still around and let’s keep it that way.
There’s a difference between etiquette and manners. Etiquette is knowing which fork to use and manners is not embarrassing the other person for not knowing. Manners are a form of respect.
You don’t chew with your mouth open because you respect the other people around. You want them to enjoy their meal without sights and sounds that could otherwise ruin their appetite. If you have respect for other people, you’ll be a gentleman.
Many guys try to convince you that nice guys finish last. Whether this is true or not, be a gentleman anyway. That’s a reflection on your character. Let them treat their good girls like crap. Eventually the girl will get fed up, wise up and marry a guy like you.
Granted, I may have been a tad sassy and salty, but I’m just passionate. I hope you take the Simple && Sweet out of this and have a great day.
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